Mount baw baw baw

I am compelled to share my story of mount baw baw. The mountain where my spirit was crushed to mush. But ever the optimist I have taken many positives from my experience - you can't win 'em all - or even finish them in fact.
Now I'm not going to make excuses but I'm going to take the lessons learnt & put this race into my personal perspective to ensure that my next endeavours are given the best possible preparations & intentions. 
So it was only a week after I touched down from my globe galavanting with only a few training runs, with little yoga, less sleep, much jet lag, flying through the worlds' time zones on flights takes it out of your legs as well as feeling physically drained & emotionally strained. 
Well, I had the (slightly ambitious) idea to run a marathon in the mountains on my first weekend back! 
I would honestly say my emotions were feeling fraught I found my solace in secret 3am cookie fests! The sugar cravings & lack of routine aren't conducive to good energy & feeling light, bright & breezy. & then throw in a stress fractured fashion filled full week at work. I was playing catch up on finding fitness & with restful sleeps proving elusive I knew that this was not the best way to ready myself for an intense trail run challenge & so the mental lack of confidence starts to eat away at your soul with negative niggles. 
We arrived up at the alpine ski resort late on the Friday night & with a 5.30am start to the day there was not going to be the much rest needed but that's pretty standard in pre-race sleep or lack of shut eye! We got the bus to the start line, an hour down hill from where we would finish - a long way up! Now the nerves start with verve.
I am always excited at the start of the race, I am learning not to get too carried away with early energetic enthusiasm & to slow to a comfortable pace until I warm up. & I have in the past had a sense of a slug, slow to get it on, but this morning I just felt heavy & my heart felt unsteady. 
I ran 6 min k's for the first 10k, an easy pace for the normal me. I was running through stunning undulating trails with a light drizzle, it should have been a perfect race & pace. Hell I managed to avoid the leeches lurking in the misty midst of ferns & bush I fought throughout. 
But at 11k when the ascent started to test & try, I tried. I slowed to keep my heart rate down, had a gel & power bar, lots of water & put my mind over matter hat on. That hat fell off somewhere on one of the steep stretches. My legs burned. My head turned to stopping. I got to the point when I couldn't hardly walk, even digging deep with motivating meditations my pains reverberated. I soldiered on as I reached the end of the trail I found some fortitude. 
With 2k on a track to the 22k checkpoint I thought I could compete. That was until I tried to pick up my feet. I found a severe lack of strength & stamina in my tired legs & with broken spirit I resigned myself to withdraw as I hobbled downhearted down to the tent to where I could take myself out of this trauma! 
As soon as I stopped I knew I had made the right decision for my body, you must listen to your body, no mind was going to get me through another 20k.I was pretty ecstatic in fact that I had managed a tough half marathon. I didn't irreparably injure myself & I recovered to enjoy a luvly glass of Pinot noir. 
& I also got up on the Sunday to run in the 13k mini trail in the morning sun. I'd luv to say I had a great run, the setting was beyond beautiful but I still felt frustrated with my lost fitness & I wasn't feeling fabulous but I still struggled with condidence & only just coerced myself to finish. I have a long way to go to get my movement & mojo back. But I am going to keep getting up early, putting my runners on & stretching it out until I get there, wherever that may be.
My education from this exercise - training & preparation, rest & relaxation, appreciation & consideration of fitness. I look forward to visiting mount baw baw again sometime soon to show some respect to the awesomeness of the alpine mountains....